I hope there is sun behind these clouds

Since being home from Ohio, life has been trying to get back into order ... but Annabelle is fighting every step.

She's mad. She is absolutely furious with AK and I for everything she went thru last week. She's bitter. She's angry with her sister. She's heartbroken and constantly on the verge of tears.

This used to be so much easier when she was a non-verbal baby. She cried during procedures but it didn't take long for her to forget about the pain and day and she would go back to loving us. The older she gets, the wiser she becomes. She still does not understand why we have to do the things we subject her to. She doesn't understand why we always tell her "The doctor wants to help your boo-boo's" but we never leave with the "OK" to go eat pizza and have fun like a normal child. I don't have the heart to tell her that she will never be normal or be able to do those things.

She's had a really tough week. She has fought daily with the nurse. She fights sleep at night. She throws her food on the floor while locking eyes with AK and I. She screams a fit the moment we ask her to do something. She's hitting and fighting everything. She is full of anger and I don't know how to help her channel it. Ive tried giving her one-on-one time but that only seems to be an opportunity for her to privately show us how bitter she is.

Today we're hosting a playdate with some new friends for Annabelle. I am going to try my hardest to stay out of her path and hope friends and kids her age will distract her out of this attitude and painful darkness she's in. She woke in a fairly good mood so here's to praying for a sunshine on the horizon!!