Feeding in the car was actually really nice, she was stationary, still, being fed and we were on the road making headway towards accomplishing errands. That was fantastic until we reached our destination and the feeding wasn't finished. This is when I realized we could no longer live without a stroller.. it's a good thing I keep a couple in both cars. Slowly but surely we are winging this thing as we go. One day we will look back and laugh at ourselves - but right now we are working out the kinks and moving along. We're not doing half bad (trying to give myself an ounce of credit at least).
Anything Sissy can do, I can do Better!
Annabelle is truly gaining some energy! Saturday was a wonderful day for her. She kept up with the rest of the family despite her temperature fluctuation. She was a bit whiny but otherwise tried her hardest to keep up with her sissy. All she asked for every minute of the day was 'sissy! sissy!'. She loves her sister to pieces and watching her follow in her footsteps is heartwarming. Madelynne wanted to pretend to do gymnastics all over our couch and furniture.. immediately Annabelle needed to wear our other leotard and follow suit. Tube or not, nothing will stop this little girl.
Unfortunately, Saturday night didn't go very well. Her temperatures and fussiness wasn't short lived, instead it manifested into the night. Annabelle tried her hardest to get comfortable in bed, she tossed and turned and was in so much pain. She threw her body all over the bed and would scream out before crying herself back to sleep. Occasionally she would whimper and moan, sometimes she would scream in pain and sometimes she would yell in frustration. I didn't know what to do :( My biggest fear is that something is hurting her from the tube and I have no clue where it's coming from, nor do I have any way to check it's placement. I feel trapped, helpless and responsible for helping soothe my daughter's pain but my hands are tied and I cannot help! I curled into her bed with her around 3am and wanted to cry just as hard with her in my arms. She was hurting so bad. I searched around for an explanation to the pain and couldn't find anything visible. I asked her what was wrong and she kept opening her mouth to point to her throat and saying, "Hurts. Hurts". I asked her to lay down with me and each time she would, her little body would shiver and she would scream. I considered, "Maybe her reflux is bothering her.. and it's changed since she is now doing a nighttime feeding.." I decided to unhook her and stop the feeding. I didn't know if the pump/feed was hurting her at all so I surrendered that idea. I detached all her tubes and carried Annabelle, her blanket, lambie and pillow downstairs to at least offer a change of scenery and opportunity to avoid waking Mady from the top bunk! I decided to give Annabelle another dose of her reflux medication in case that was the root cause of the pain, we turned on the TV and she cuddled close to me. We laid together until 4:30a. I woke AK and told him, "Your turn, I need to go to sleep at some point.." He got up with Annabelle and immediately put her in bed. She hardly fought and went right to sleep. When he climbed back into bed (2min after I crawled in) I rolled my eyes and punched him. "Really?! Really?! I swear she hates me. Im tired of you being the favorite. GOOD-NIGHT!" :)
The morning came too soon. Annabelle was a full basket of emotions, melting down and throwing a fit over every small thing that wasn't going her way. I know it was directly related to her lack of sleep/rest, but it was frustrating for the entire family. Finally, I tapped out - it was 11am and she needed to go back to bed! No questions asked! I finished cleaning the girls room from the mess I was making (rotating summer/fall clothes), tucked Annabelle in and put her to bed. She didn't fight for a second and was immediately asleep. When AK brought Annabelle downstairs after she woke up, he turned the corner to our bedroom where I was and said, "We have a problem". She had pulled her tube most the way out. It was at a place in which I didn't know if it was pulled too far to push back in or pulled too far and needed replacing. As I was trying to figure out what to do, I wiped the boogies from her face and she reached and pulled the tube some more - well that settled that thought process - tube was out. It was a blessing in disguise though, Annabelle's face was raw from the tape. It was swollen and red and clearly uncomfortable. No wonder she wanted it off!
I let Belle enjoy a long warm bath without her tubie as I figured out what to do next. My neighbor is a RN so I bribed her into coming over to help place the tube. I know I can do it on my own, but I've only seen it performed once and I would prefer to not make my first trial run on my own kiddo when I don't know exactly what to do. It was much easier being able to have the extra adult set of hands to hold her down and not have to be the bad guy and place the tube. It went very well, extremely well actually and 10x faster than the placement when we were in the hospital! I was impressed. The only problem however, is that we struggled to hear air and/or pull any contents from her tummy when checking for placement. She wasn't coughing terribly so we didn't believe it was in her lungs, but we also couldn't say for certain the tube was in her stomach. Finally we surrendered and pulled the wire and taped it into place. I agreed to use our time to convince Annabelle to drink something on her own and keep checking residual until I can know for certain where the tube is placed. After an hour+, Annabelle still wouldn't eat anything on her own. Each time I would pull back on the syringe, it was suction and collapse onto itself. (I think the tube was laid against her stomach). I pushed 5ml of water and held my breath, praying she wouldn't start coughing and choking (indicator it was in her lungs), she did great, when I immediately pulled back on the syringe, I pulled a bit of water and pure stomach bile. I was so grateful to recognize it was placed correctly, but disappointed to see her stomach was completely empty. The struggle to have her eat anything on her own is getting more difficult. At the most, we can get her to drink 2oz on her own.. hopefully when we find our groove in this madness, she will pick up on eating on her own.
Our first stop of the day was to visit my Papa. We haven't been able to visit in far too long and it was overdue. I was so nervous to let him see Annabelle with her new tube, but he handled it well. My dad was there as well and was able to enjoy visiting the girls. Watching my girls run and play where I grew up, and making memories is more than heartwarming. I love watching their same fascination and love for the hunting dogs as I had as a little girl.. and getting their hands dirty in the garden. This is our life, this is the way I grew up and this is the foundation of which I want my girls to learn about life, hard work, family and what's important even during the tough times. It was a beautiful morning and we had a wonderful time visiting. Annabelle struggled during most the visit, she was her usual sleepy self. She played for a short bit with some toys but quickly crashed and no longer wanted to walk or stand.. she needed to be held, but still wanted to follow sissy everywhere she went. My dad carried her outside and together they went for some laps around the property and visited the dogs and garden.
Afterwards, we needed to do grocery shopping. Both girls were sleepy so I decided to let them relax in the stroller while AK and I shopped for groceries and I gave Belle a feeding. We did an extremely slow feed, 3oz over the course of an hour and 15min. Since her stomach was so empty and she refused to eat on her own, I didn't want to drop too much formula on her tummy too fast. Both girls took naps in the stroller and we peacefully finished all our shopping. When we made it back to the car, AK woke Annabelle up and she immediately started vomiting everywhere. He picked her up and the vomiting wouldn't stop. I felt so bad for her.. she was miserable and couldn't stop throwing up. (Thank goodness we were outside!!!) When she was finished, I stripped her down to her diaper, tried to clean AK and I both off from vomit and bile and wipe down the drenched stroller, the best we could. Annabelle moaned and watched out the window the entire way home. I don't know what was going on with her.. I don't know if it was the feeding, her usual self, a tummy bug or what. I hate all these unknowns, I hate watching her struggle in front of me and I am unable to do anything to ease her little body :(
The evening was uneventful and Annabelle was exhausted, the entire family was exhausted. Dinner was thrown on the table as fast as we could move and everyone was bathed and in bed by 8:30pm. The weekend felt like a marathon. Monday would come too fast and the list of things that I have to work on for Annabelle is ever growing. "We could settle for a slow down".
Dierks Bentley reference. Nice
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