Home from Ohio

It’s that time of the year again.. the time where you dig just a bit deeper to find the joy and blessings in things that surround you. We are blessed, beyond belief, our family has been blessed by the love and miracles we have seen this year in Annabelle. However, below that joy and excitement, is an underlying reality – that we still struggle. We still cannot manage pain. Annabelle still cannot be a normal little girl and we still don’t have answers.

Last week, the day after we got home from Cincinnati, our family was in pieces. The girls were struggling to adjust back to home and routines. The house was a mess from unpacking. Above all, our family was mourning the loss of a very very loved family member. We came home last week broken from the news we received in Ohio, the news we received about our uncle and the disarray of everything in between. We were moving 100mph with no slowing down in sight.. and then the clock struck 6:30pm on a Sunday night when all I wanted was to crawl in pajamas and go to sleep.. we had an obligation at a nearby church. A neighbor was hosting a concert at the church for Annabelle. We were all so tired, but we put on our winter jackets and pushed our way out the door.

They met us in the foyer of the church and escorted us towards the chapel. Annabelle was hesitant for why we were there (this church is also her preschool during the weekdays). The moment we turned the corner into the chapel, I looked up and saw my baby girl on the massive projector… it streamed pictures of Annabelle and her journey. As quickly as each picture would display, I would remember every moment from when that picture was taken – the cries, the laughter, the worry and fears, the weather outside that day.. the outfit she was wearing. I couldn’t breathe, it was as if the air was taken directly from my lungs as we slowly walked down the aisle of the church and everyone turned in their seats to watch us enter. The last time I felt that way was on my wedding day.. walking down the aisle as everyone watched with a smile, only this time, we walked down a aisle and floods of people assessed our every move. They watched intently at Annabelle, immediately noticed her face mask I am sure, they watched as I carried her down the aisle and AKs hand held my shoulder. Mady was happy to walk ahead of our little family and she choose where we would sit. I sat down and still couldn’t breathe.

Our friend, neighbor, opened the ceremony with a  testament of our family and how much we have made an impact on his. He spoke on when he first heard about us.. and by heard, I mean he HEARD a stampede of motorcycles cruising past his house, the Guilty Ones, to come visit Annabelle. He and his wife came to Answers for Annabelle, they brought her the biggest fun butterfly balloon and made the event and our return home from the trip, so very special for Annabelle and our family. They haven't let us go though, they continue to shine light into our family just as we try to do for theirs. Hearing his words though, rang so deep into my soul that the tears were impossible to stop from falling. 95% of the time, I am the one speaking about our family and journey, I am the one that is forced to explain how things are progressing, our history, our challenges and hurdles - but this evening, he did it for me. He did so in a way that shined light on our entire blessing that Annabelle has given us... and then they played. Oh boy did they play music. Every single song was picked directly from my heart, I know it was, every song was perfect and meant something else to our family. The girls flipped thru magazine pages, they clapped their hands. Not long after beginning, Annabelle had to lay down because she wasn't feeling well. She cried and pleaded to go home - but she hung in there. On even her weakest days, she is strong.