Friday, January 31, 2014

Today is over, thank god.

My anxiety was justified - and the pain was just as bad as I prayed it wouldn't be. I hate today. Thank God today is over.



We chose to change the tube size of Annabelle's tubey. We went a grade smaller in diameter to make the actual hole smaller - but we went up a size for the length of the actual tube so that it isn't quite as tight to her skin as the original tube was.

The nurse made me change the tube myself, I didn't expect that. It wasn't difficult and I'm glad I did. This is something I will have to do myself at home, every 2-3 months from now so I'm glad I was able to do it all with my own hands instead of watching. I just wasn't prepared to have to do it. Easy enough though :)

After the tube change came the moment I have been dreading terribly. Annabelle held off longer than I thought she would, but at last the pain hit her and that was all she wrote. I expected it to only take a few seconds and we would be done.. that was furthest from the truth. Once the sweet nurse began burning the tissue, it began to break apart and burst.. my sweet baby's tummy was covered in blood, burning tissue and smoke. The tissue started dissolving, the bleeding got worse before it got better and the screaming finally landed her silent, practically in shock. As soon as it was over - we had to continue holding her down to clean the entire area, wrap it up and secure the placement. Annabelle alternated between returning to a scream for help, and retching (vomiting, but she's unable to fully vomit because of her stomach/esophagus surgery). Thank God it's over. That's all I can say for today.





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