Monday, November 17, 2014

Premature Awareness Day


When you find out you're expecting, your mind floods and heart races. You feel like you could burst from all the love you feel inside. The emotion and joy is indescribable.

When you lay on an operating room table, awaiting to hear the fate of the premature baby being torn into this cruel, cold world, far too early; your mind races and heart shatters. The fear and pain is indescribable.


Today is prematurity awareness day. I never would have imagined this would be a day my family would celebrate, but it is. It's a day that we look back at those first terrifying hours and days living in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and learning how to care and fight for our daughter. For me, it's a day I reflect and wish to thank all the nurses and staff that loved and cheered Annabelle on and hugged us as we finally left the hospital with our daughter.


Someone told me while we were in the hospital, "these days will fly by and you'll forget all about it." They were right that they flew by, but I haven't nor will I ever forget the impact those days had on us.
I'll never forget the moment I met Annabelle and she was hooked to so many tubes and monitors that I didn't know how to touch my own child.

I'll never forget the sinking feeling in my gut as the first time I saw her and felt as though my body had failed my child. 

I'll never ever forget the cries I heard come from her tiny voice as they repeatedly stuck her every limb for another IV.



I'll never forget the lonely, empty hospital room.. because after all, people don't visit you when there isn't a baby to see. 

I'll never forget the ride in a wheelchair past the nursery to the elevators as I was leaving and the waiting room was crowded of happy families... And I had empty arms.
I'll never forget the emptiness I felt when I left without my daughter. 


I'll never forget the quiet house, long shower and alarm clock breast pump sessions as my child slept 35miles away from me, alone. 

I will never ever forget the day I brought my daughter home to complete our family. The fear, ohh the absolute terrifying fear of a preemie is nothing like the excitement of a newborn! It's pure fear!

Every single milestone is adjusted and weight charts are meticulously measured. More than anything though, are the nurses in the NICU that are sent directly from heaven above for premature babies. They are a work and practice all on their own for the miracles they do for the smallest of little people. I have no idea how it's possible to find such incredible and loving people in each and every NICU setting, but somehow it seems as though hospitals do it. Ours was no different, Johnston Willis hospital NICU was our home away from home and daughters first set of guardian angels. 



Today is premature awareness day and my Annabelle Grace is one of the strongest fighting preemies I know... I made her myself ;) 








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