Mother's Day

6:04am and I hear a certain little girl over the monitor whimper 'dadada'. I nudge AK and like a robot he crawls out of bed, half asleep and throws a t-shirt over his head.. walks upstairs to greet the girls and reminding them the entire time, 'shhh.. Mommy's sleeping. Let's let her sleep in today!'

I needed the extra sleep. This week has been the week of hitting my wall both physically, mentally and worst of all, emotionally. I feel like I have suffered thru each phase of mourning these last 6 weeks since we've gotten Annabelle's diagnosis. It all just plain sucks. Point blank. It sucks. 

I laid in bed this morning and tried to fall back asleep several times, but I couldn't ignore the sweet giggles coming from the living room. I'm so tired and needed the sleep but I was missing all the fun! 7:25a I had to get up. 

After squeezing both my girls with morning breath kisses, I fixed my cup of coffee and sat down to enjoy The Smurfs with them. Mady was so proud to give me the pictures she made at school for me and I was equally grateful. I sat there in my messy living room with a coffee cup almost empty holding both girls in my lap. On my right I have a super smart 4yo who uses every effort to make daddy and I happy and watch us smile or laugh at her. 

And under my left arm is the bravest 19mo I've ever met. I look at this child and have so many questions, fears, worries and guilt its hard to even put into words; then in the next fast passing moment, she looks up with her big brown eyes & long eyelashes and smiles. She leans over and out of nowhere gives me a tight hug and wet kiss and jumps out of my lap to go play. As if she were telling me 'It's going to be alright mom! I've got this!' 

And that's where we are. Somewhere in the middle of Happily Ever After and a Highway to Hell. EoE is part of our lives every day. Some days eating is a full fight, some days were in public and Mady tells curious strangers' my baby sister can't eat bc she has boo-boo's in her tummy' and some days everything is running perfectly but I still lay in bed for hours and hours researching until my eyes bleed. 

It's Mother's Day and EoE doesn't damper our day in the least. But it does define how special of a role I get to live as these two beautiful girls momma. I get to celebrate this day bc of these two sweet girls and what an honor it is. I dont know much yet about what were dealing with but there is one thing that I sleep well knowing: Annabelle does not deserve this disease and my family has done nothing to ask for this nightmare BUT Annabelle does deserve me as her mommy and my family deserves every ounce of my effort to maintain normalcy, laughter and love that I will make sure is always thriving in this home.

Today I am so grateful for the perfect children that have taught me everything I need to know about life. I thank them for being able to celebrate and appreciate this day.