Can't avoid the hospital any longer

10:42

That's what time Annabelle began her usual nightly episodes of choking. Ak went upstairs to get her as I pulled myself together. Part of me wanted to believe she would sleep thru the night and all this was just a fluke and be over.. therefore I refused to pack a hospital bag beforehand. At 10:48p I called our pediatrician and she answered the phone "St. Francis or St. Mary's,  which do you want me to call?" I told her St. Mary's and she instructed me to go in now. She could hear Annabelle screaming and coughing in the background.

I started to get scared. I don't know if it was just lack of coherence or reality hitting me that this is real. Really real. My kid really does need help. Maybe I was a bit eager to know I would soon get answers for her or I had my own anxiety of what I was setting Annabelle up for by taking her to the hospital. Without a doubt this won't be a pleasant experience for my poor little girl and I started feeling guilty and getting cold feet :(

Mady woke up during the chaos. That's the last thing I wanted to happen or her to have to see. I promise I will never lie to Madelynne about her little sisters condition but a 4yo seeing a baby that hysterical and hurting is too harsh of reality that I'm not ready to explain to my daughter. I tried remaining calm and smiling, talking gently and softly while quickly gathering everything I needed to get out the door: stocked diaper bag. Plenty fomula. Favorite blanket. Lambie. Annabelle's binder/bible. Insurance cards. Phone charger and I was headed out the door. I gave mady a sweet kiss and she gave the same to her sissy and I left. 

Annabelle cried most the way to the hospital but fell asleep just a few minutes shy of arriving.

Side note. What in the HELL is going on with i95?! Holy crap! What a freaking mess!

Fortunately our pediatrician made all the calls necessary to get us in the door and seen immediately upon arrival. They were expecting us in the lobby and took her right away. I signed a couple papers and met her in her room where they had her on oxygen, as it was a bit low.

We did vitals and I began the rehearsed rundown on why we were there. I tried not to laugh when they asked if she was allergic to anything and then finally the doctor came in to meet us. We talked briefly about some plausible explanations for the fever, choking, possible EoE flare,  etc. Some tests were ordered and finally we had the room to ourselves. Annabelle was being very clingy. She was sleepy of course, miserable and crying but she was also definitely nervous because she knew we were in a hospital. She knows everytime she sees a doc, they hurt her. Her anxiety over a hospital is so sad for only being 21mo.

The nurse came in to get a urine sample. When I answered No to her question,  "has she started potty training yet?" I knew what was coming next. Poor poor baby. It went as pleasant as you could expect. Only two tries and they got enough urine from her bladder to test.

Next up were xrays. She normally cooperates for things like that but after the catheter episode, she didn't trust anyone. I managed to hold her down screaming long enough to get a couple good pictures. She didn't smile for any of them. Brat.

The urine didn't show any signs of a UTI or Bladder infection. The xray didn't show any signs of aspiration. The doctor came back to speak with me and explained that there just isn't way she can go home without observation of these night issues. Her temperature was normal enough at 97 degrees. Up next was the wait for a room on the pediatric floor. We waited. . And waited and waited. 

Finally around 3am they were ready for us and Annabelle got to load up in a wheelchair with Lambie by her side for a ride to the 6th Floor. She enjoyed it a bit too much.. or maybe just the lack of sleep had her out of her mind.

The nurse joined us to discuss why we were there. Helped us settle in. Took some vitals and briefed us on what the night will look like. Soon after, the night doctor came in to introduce herself and seemed less than concerned about why Annabelle was there. I was too exhausted to persuade anyone to demonstrate concern for my baby at this point so I let it go. It didn't matter bc the sooner Annabelle can get to sleep.. the sooner she can prove to everyone on the floor what is going on.

It was a little after 4am when everyone finally left our room. I stared at the metal cage they call a crib and just knew it would be an even longer night.

You see. I deserve a gold star for having such rockstar childen that will fall asleep without a fight in two minutes flat. Both my girls are either really great sleepers or just really lazy. But I'm going to just steal the credit on this one myself.
Now. I lose points bc while they sleep perfect in their beds, they WILL NOT sleep anywhere BUT their beds! They have no idea how to sleep with another person or in a room that isn't theirs. Talk about a backfire.

I tried the first of several unsuccessful gentle attemps to rock belle to sleep. Finally I had to lock her into baby jail and go hide while she cried it out. It broke my heart, but it took less than a minute before she surrendered.

It was 4:30am and suddenly I wasn't tired. Instead, I had 26485826284 things, thoughts, fears and worries running thru my head. Go to sleep Ashley. You'll need it tomorrow!!