Once dinner was finished and we began cleaning up, AK picked up Annabelle again and she was twice as hot as she was only 20min prior! I told him to find a thermometer. The only thing we could locate was our cheap, emergency back-up thermometer that takes 5yrs to get a reading. Annabelle wasn't having it. We ended up holding her down long enough for the thermometer to read 104 under her arm. The numbers were still going up but I didn't care.. it was enough for me to know she needed help. But what do I do? She seems ok otherwise. A bit clingy and moving a little slower but not miserable and hysterical. I instructed AK to give her a luke warm bath and we gave her a sippy cup of cold water to drink and stay hydrated. Meanwhile I ran to Target to purchase another thermometer because I knew it was going to be a long night ahead, and we also needed dog food. Zoey could care less about the health and safety of her favorite non-verbal bff.. all she wanted was pedigree and was making sure that everyone in the family understood she was STARVING TO DEATH!
I picked up some essentials from Target and made it back home to greet the kiddos downstairs. Annabelle seemed to be doing fine. She was being terribly annoying, moreso than her usual, but her fever was considerably lower than it was before. It was still at least 101-102 but even her skin temperature wasn't nearly as hot. I made her a small cup of formula that she wasn't interested in and then sent her to bed. She fell asleep right away. It was about 645p.
8:30p
I could hear random screams coming from upstairs. I rebounded off the couch and skipped every other step all the way up into the girls bedroom. Annabelle was thrashing around and hysterical. I couldn't tell if she was quite awake or if she was vomiting or what was happening. Once I picked her up slowly and sat myself in her bed rocking her, she calmed down slightly. She was still crying and her face was full of tears. She kept coughing and choking and with each cough she would scream. It was several minutes of this cycle. Cough-Choke-Scream-Gag-Cry-Cough, repeat. I didn't know what to do and felt helpless. AK met me upstairs and I had tears pouring out of my eyes as I looked up at him and said "I don't know what to do! Something is hurting her and I can't help her! What do I do?!" After a couple minutes, all I could think of was to change scenary. We walked downstairs where she became distracted by just moving into another room.. enough that she calmed down from the screaming. I kept trying to give her water and she wouldn't put anything into her mouth, she wouldn't drink water from a cup or even a big girl glass.. I was desperate and trying anything. If it was the reflux, maybe just washing it back down would help? I don't know.
After about 45minutes, Annabelle was calmed down and content curled up in someone's lap watching cartoons. I decided it would be best to not let her continue to wake up anymore than she already has and to get her back into her bed. I laid her back down in her bed and she seemed to be more than happy to be back, she curled lambie's neck under her arm and burried her face in her pillow and fell right asleep. I went to bed myself and was out within seconds of my head hitting the pillow.
1:23 am
I was awaken by very unwelcomed crying from upstairs. Half asleep, I nudged AK to go get Annabelle. My head was pounding so bad that I just knew if I stood up, I would be sick. Ive been getting headaches a lot lately - and im chaulking them up to lack of actual rest. Jumping out of bed from a dead sleep is the worst thing I can do... it's a slower process than it takes AK to just sit up and move about life. So for that reason, he was the unlucky one that was sent to get Annabelle. I heard him go into her room and she seemed very upset but not at all like she was at 8:30pm. He brought her downstairs and she would just start crying, sobbing and then stop. On and off. At that time I was up and met them in the living room. Annabelle looked pitiful. She looked exhausted, beaten, defeated and in general just begging for relief. She kept reaching for me and saying "mamama. mamama" It was tearing my heart into pieces. Once I calmed her down in my arms, I handed her over to AK and went to the kitchen to start assembling some medications. I started off with the next round of Ibuprofen and then made her Pulmicort Slurry: A vial of liquid pulmicort mixed with 5 packets of splenda that create a runny-thick solution. I use fill a syringe with 2tsp of the mixture and inject it into the back of her throat to coat her esophagus all the way down. She isn't a fan at all but it helps the EoE inflammation and it also provides a protective coat from the sores along her esophagus from GERD / Reflux / Gastritis.
After the medication battle, I checked her temperature and it was still very high. This time I didn't want her going right back to bed and we kept her downstairs longer. I wanted to hold her and make sure she knew she was ok, we were right here and if she didn't feel well, she didn't have to go back in bed alone. Once she started yawning and getting really sleepy again, we put her back in bed. Just like before - by the time she went back in bed, she was fine. No more irritability, didn't seem like any pain, just really tired.
6:45am
This morning AK went to get both girls from upstairs as I was taking a shower. When he brought her downstairs, she was a mess. She was so sleepy but also SO emotional. Very very clingy and fussy. Crying hysterically and getting upset over the smallest of things. I stared at her for several minutes just trying to read this crazy child.
- What do I do with her?
- She clearly isn't doing well, but what's wrong?
- What can I do for her?
- What is this that's happening?
- Is it a virus?
- Is it EoE?
- Is it reflux that's hurting her? Molars cutting? Neither of those thoughts would instigate such high fevers.
- What the hell do I do?
Every mom knows that feeling. It's heartbreaking. My baby girl just wants her mommy. Who doesn't want their mommy when they're sick?! It's days like this that are like a salt in a wound when I cannot be home with my babies. I wish I could be there for her all day, every day when she needs me.. especially on days when she is sick like this. I SHOULD be home with her - that's what mommies do. But I need to work. I need to work to provide her with the best medical care, the gas to take her to and from the hospitals for visits, the insurance so we have double coverage and can never get declined from seeing the best of the best doctors. I need to work to provide her with the formula she needs to survive, home that keeps her safe and the sweet shoes, adorable bows and singing toys that make her smile. I love to work, I enjoy my job, I thrive for the accountablility I get from working full time and leading my own projects.. but I would be lying if I said mornings like this one don't kill me and make me feel lower than anything on this planet. I feel like there is nothing else in this world that my child needs more than a mommy's open arms and soothing voice when they are sick - and that, I cannot do for her on days like this. It kills me. Fortunately, I found the second best thing I could find and hired another mommy to rock my baby girl when she isn't feeling well. I know she is in wonderful hands.
And now I count down until 4:35pm when I get to scoop my baby girl up again. Apologize for leaving today and drown her in all my kisses to the point she is pushing me away.. and then I go in for another right under her chunky little neck rolls that are always sure to bring out a sincere baby giggle.
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